Meditation and Lovemaking, Part 2

 

PRACTICE RESERVATUS MENTIS WHILE YOU MAKE LOVE
The ordinary, common vision of life, as we were accustomed to embrace comprises a broad range of discursive attitudes we might consider “normal.” However, the Tantric eroticism proves that this kind of “inner discourse” has to be reduced at least to the level where it does not prevent, distort nor inhibit the emotional intimacy between the two lovers, as well as the access to the mystical experiences.

Nevertheless, it is a fact of common knowledge that verbal communication and even language can spring from a non-discursive state of mind. The acts of speech, listening, reading and writing, even the soliloquy can be spontaneous, in which case they do not cause any interference or disturbance to the proper experience.

The JNANA YOGA System, a cognitive form of meditation, which is the origin of the Zen System, introduces us to a method of spontaneous, natural use of language that we get into without a precise definite aim. For example, if we listen someone who’s talking, we will understand clearer what he/she tells us if we don’t use our discursive way of thinking, analyzing and labeling after each sentence we hear.

Owing to this silent attitude of the mind, called RESERVATUS MENTIS, the perceptions are highly accurate, and one may get to sense even the most insignificant trifles. In order to achieve this mental state, Yogis concentrate on different areas of the body, on certain mantric sounds, or perform different positions according to the specific path they follow (HATHA YOGA, LAYA YOGA, JNANA YOGA, KUNDALINI YOGA etc.).

The role of these exercises they practice is to calm and relax their mind. These exercises are also useful for tensed, stressed out people whose work implies the excessive use of the discursive, logical aspect of their minds, that is there occurs an overuse of the left part of the brain.
However, if we get to think about these exercises, we will soon find out that them may easily appear sort of boring compared to the joy, passion, effervescence and intensity of the erotic game.

And what wouldn’t be boring compared to that? This is the most beautiful and transfiguring part of life. Eroticism has often proved to be the quickest, easiest and most natural way to reach mystical experiences and great spiritual achievements by people aware of what they do and of what they want.

CONSCIOUS ABANDON IN EROTIC EXPERIENCE LEADS TO THE STATE OF YOGA
Mystical experiences occur because of a spontaneous and complete absorption of the consciousness and focus on each moment of the erotic fusion, casting away thoughts regarding future goals, sexual compatibility, or any other subjects which may come to your mind. Deliberate abandon in the erotic experience has as a direct effect mental stillness and the intense experience of the Yoga state.

Eastern traditions are very clear when they say that a complete experience of one or even several sensations induces a state of mental relaxation, state in which both lovers may easily perceive the blissful state of pure love.

Often this truth can be translated in different ways. Like Henri Maspero said, “For Taoists the place of the wisdom and the spirit is the heart and not the brain.” Symbolically, the brain is the organ of language, theories and faith, and its use is obvious and beyond question, but at the same time, it does not have the qualities of the heart which is the organ of intuition and direct perception.

The Taoists knew then, as we know now, that this distinction does not actually refer to the actual brain and heart, the organs, so to speak, but to two different ways of “thinking”, conceiving and acting.

The main feature of the Tantric approach to life and experience is, according to Eliade, the anti-ascetic and anti- speculative attitude, the full implication of senses without analyzing and labeling our feelings. This does not mean, however, that if we are to practice a Tantric exercise, or engage in a Tantric act of love, we will not know what we feel. Quite the opposite! Tantra has been called “the one who sets us free from Maya” and it is rightfully so!

In this case, Maya is the illusion and the magic of words, language, concepts and speculations. Generally there is confusion between reality and the way it is described, between an area and its map, between food and menu etc. The menu has its value, but still it is not nourishing.

When we make love, when we stop thinking, there is always something very interesting: we are capable to perfectly concentrate on the present and on what is going on. This is when the past and the future do not interfere with us any more and yet they are apart of each other, in a superior way, like two drops of rain that come together in an unique, transparent drop.

The same way, the two lovers experience the ecstasy and there is union, a real communication issue, not symbolic or incomplete, but capable of going further to the superior fusion with the ultimate reality, to the state of Yoga.

 

PART 1

Meditation and Lovemaking, Part 1

 

The relationship between the physical act of making love and meditation is not necessarily obvious at a first glance, but it is nonetheless real and extraordinarily powerful. If the act of lovemaking is approached as a mystical experience, it becomes indeed a form of yoga or meditation.
The implication of this statement is that a total absorption of the mind in the true, direct experience of love occurs between two people who really love each other, during an act of love.

In fact, it truly is an active and creative act, which fulfils the being on multiple levels (physical, psychic, mental and spiritual as well).

So, just like meditation, the act of making love without being involved in thoughts concerning the experience or any other things is what the Eastern tradition recommends in order to be able to reach a mystical experience in this manner. The fundamental key to succeed in transforming a common approach to sexuality into a mystical, elevated experience is to allow yourself to extricate your habitual thoughts during the sensual act of lovemaking.

MEDITATION AND SEXUALITY
The mental integration through sexuality in form of meditation is not different from specific yoga techniques. In fact, this approach should dictate our attitude in any kind of activity: eating, sleeping, breathing, cooking, walking, watching, making love, etc. It is also true that a meditative attitude attracts a lot of unbelievable results.

In fact, when we limit the discursive thinking processes we give our latent subconscious capacities the possibility to fully manifest themselves.

It gives our experiences great energy and at the same time a greater capacity to control this energies, not trough the rational mind, but through that super-conscious force, the expression of will and divine harmony reflected into the pure mirror of our consciousness, clear and untroubled by rational thinking, which is limiting, personal and egoistic.

Consequently, in order to turn an erotic experience into a spiritual one, one should try to stop what is usually termed as “rational thinking”. You may ask “why would I do that?” and the question would be reasonable!
The answer is because this kind of thinking known as “rational thinking” is limited and also sets limits to your experiences. And, as you may easily guess, one cannot know the infinite by being limited to the finite!
It is highly important that you stop this kind of reasoning for a while, still, simply setting the subconscious forces, sensations and experiences free is not really a mystical state. A mystical experience occurs generally when the erotic energy is sublimated and refined. The Super-Consciousness plays the most important role here, because it enlightens us and our experiences.

That is is also the reason for the great importance of another element – termed as transfiguration. This implies the active, real and creative belief in a certain “pattern” or divine archetype against the dark and shapeless background of the subconscious world. To be more clear, when being with or thinking about your lover (and you may extend the experience) see in him/her this divine archetype you have in your heart.

To see the god or the goddess beyond the ordinary image of the one you love, to unite with what he/she has sublime, this is transfiguration. Such a relationship leads to an elevated world and helps us experience the erotic act in the form of meditation. Through transfiguration the human is endowed with divine virtues.

HOW TO APPROACH EROTIC EXPERIENCES
In order to experience the spiritual ecstasy while we make love with sexual continence, traditional Eastern literature recommends that we eliminate our thoughts. Tantrism states that we have to open up to sexuality and approach it with “an empty mind”, a state called “the absence of mind” or “the pure mind”.

This recommendation has often been interpreted the wrong way, ad literam. If one does not examine this statement intelligently, he/she might believe that people who have had mystical experiences suspend their mental activity in order to remain in that state where they shut up for the rest of the world and go away from life.

However, the real sense of this recommendation is to stop a certain way of thinking, the rational, verbal, conceptual, theoretical one or in other words the one that evaluates and places things on a certain scale, with a certain label, based on logical representations.

This way of thinking makes each experience, perception or sensation be immediately labeled, expressed through words and given a philosophical, moral, positive or negative sense.
It is also associated with the left cerebral hemisphere and first it takes the form of an inner soliloquy.

In fact this way of thinking (so specific to our contemporary times) is not encouraged by ancient mystical writings, which even contain methods to minimize it in order to reach a state of balance and harmony between the two sides of the brain, the left one, logical, rational, discursive and the right one, intuitive, creative and esthetical.

When the intercourse practiced with sexual continence blocks the verbal way of thinking we become more conscious of what is really going on. We feel “we drink from the Fountain of Life”. That’s why Tantric tradition encourages us to live fully and directly any experience and thus to participate actively and creatively to the erotic fusion.

Thus we become more conscious and surrounded by that experience, without even trying to describe it in words while it lasts. During a Tantric erotic fusion lovers are a lot more aware of themselves because they do not think (as we normally conceive this term), but they allow themselves to be carried away by the natural flow. They do not allow experiences to be filtered through the limited “screen” of a soliloquy.

Any superior integration of an experience implies a capacity to contract and keep in mind several aspects of a problem. It is a lot more valuable than to analyze it piece by piece, in time. The possibility to perceive reality on different levels, from a cosmic perspective, is obviously the attribute of a human with a superior level of consciousness, capable of viewing reality from different angles. Thus a thing or a phenomenon may be analyzed from a vital, creative, sexual, volitional, affective, intuitive, mental or spiritual point of view.

Just like meditation, the erotic experience allows us to perceive things in a creative and intuitive way. Without describing each and every sensation and without thinking, “Oh, this feels good” or “I am in a very elevated state”, we can freely enjoy our experiences.

During the Tantric erotic game man and woman are open to sensations, they go deep into themselves and do not evaluate them, they just fully experience them. It is obvious that rational thinking remains integrated in the complex structure of such a state, but the mind is now capable of perceiving everything around without any kind of effort.

PART 2

Mental Concentration During Lovemaking, Part 2

 

CONCENTRATE YOUR ATTENTION ON THE SENSES
As much as we focus ourselves on our own sensations and experiences, they become in this way more and more refined; we start to perceive all the senses at once, without thinking about them in a mechanical way. Thus, the sensations will be totally perceived as if we listen a symphony of life.

Feeling more and more often and profound the non-discursive experience of the sensations, we understand that we have this capacity and it is natural. Only the inner dialogue and the mental excitation interfere, hiding that direct and simultaneous ecstatic conscience of the all senses.

At this step, the direct perception makes the pure subjectivity become identical with the pure objectivity and in this way there is no longer any difference between them, there is no longer any duality neither in perception, neither in sensation nor between the lovers. In this way the lovemaking gets an exceptional cosmic and spiritual value.

THE TOUCH

We have to empathetically experience what the lover feels while we touch her/him with our hands, caressing her/him with love, or doing anything else that is mutual accepted by both lovers, feeling in this moment what she/he likes or not.

We can feel the entire body, with all our body while we happily and lovely hug our lover, amplifying at maximum the intensity of the hug. As much as we concentrate more easily at the direct perception of the sensations, we will experience more various sensations in the entire body.

In this way, we will be able to experience with an ecstatic happiness the active and passive aspects of the touch, feeling in the same time, every caress, every point of contact with the lover, every given or received caress.

So we can feel what the lover experiences while we touch her/him. We will be surprised by the fact that we can perceive our lover’s sensations through our own hands or other body parts.

We can focus our attention either over the feeling experienced by the one that is touched, or over our feelings, or we can perceive both sensations in the same time.

The active and the receptive touch are identical experiences in essence; moreover when the merging of the lovers is amplified. The way in which the lover feels when she/he is touched is not different from the sensation felt by us through our hand, because there is a communication that gives birth to the same language.

The important element is to experience directly these states without saying, “it is soft, it is wet or hard” and by not letting any other comments, that can shadow the direct perception, interfere.

THE TASTE

The taste sense is very well harmonized with the touch sense and with the smelling.
It is known that there is compatibility between the tastes of the lovers, and it is realized that this compatibility influences very much the sexual compatibility. The taste sense is connected with the subtle sexual centre of the human being – Svadhisthana Chakra, and that is why the taste’s compatibility of the lovers reflects their sexual compatibility; an amplifying of the tasting sensations immediately leads to awakening and accumulating sexual energy.

THE SMELL

Through the smell sense can be felt either by ourselves, or together with out lover, we will enchant our natural perfume together with the added perfume, taking also into account the perfume of the soap, of the shampoo, of the room and also the perfume of the air.

It is important to know how to choose the perfumes and the essences that can accompany us in our erotic games, so that we can be magnetically attracted by the savour of our body smelling or of the smelling of the atmosphere created by us.

THE SEEING

The visual sense is also very important because the eye perceives in semi-darkness too, often even with more profound echoes in the human being- the colours, the forms, the clothes, the brightness and the reflection of the bodies, of the hair or of the ornaments.

Often, during lovemaking the face becomes brighter being itself an expression of the happiness, of the generosity and of the ecstatic fulfilment.

While we are watching, we let the images come to our eyes and we spontaneously abandon ourselves in perceiving all that is in our visual field, without identifying each thing. Our eye can be fixed anywhere it wants to. It is the case of staring (keeping the eyes open but without seeing) that constitute the magical and intimate frame of where we are making love.

Then we can fix our eye over a detail, that becomes dear, important and saint, and at the end we will be back to the seeing of the all. Then we can focus our attention at something else, by spontaneously sending it the magnetism of our look.

THE HEARING

There is no limit in what we can create or feel during the erotic game. Each of these generates a sensation, a reaction, and an emotion that doesn’t need a future description.

The sounds emitted by each of them, the breathing, the laughter, the groan, the noise of the lips and the tongue, the voice music when there is something to be said, the love whispers, all of these can amplify the erotic desire and experience.

We can feel the silent vibrations of our bodies that are hungrily touching each other as much as they are hugging full of love and harmony. In this way we become receptive to those pure, archetypal, divine sounds without needing to analyse their meaning. We simply hear them as a celestial music that brings happiness. In this way, we permit the sound to penetrate our ears without needing to comment on it.

 

PART 1

Mental Concentration During Lovemaking, Part 1

In 1970, Masters and Johnson made popular a new technique that they called “sexual focusing”. This technique simply consists in focusing one’s attention on the sensations that occurr during lovemaking, without letting one’s mind to loaf.

Applying this technique during foreplay or during massage exercises was the first step in curing sexual dysfunctions for both men and women.

Similar to the Concentration (Dharana) phase in Yoga, the sexual concentration is an absolutely necessary phase for reaching the perfect harmony in couple, by favouring the focusing of the very powerful energies that take place during lovemaking and guiding them to the high levels of the human being.

We don’t have to see the method of achieving a meditative attitude during lovemaking as an exercise, as an instrument or as a technique performed in order to obtain a purpose in the future – the sexual performance, the mystique experience or anything else.

It is better to see it only as a way to go deep inside of us, in the present moment, in what we are doing and in what we are experiencing, therefore a way to stop our thoughts.

There are more aspects of eros we can firmly focus our attention on, in order to eliminate any other thought, in this way driving ourselves close to the subtle plans of the mystique conscience. These aspects of the lovemaking can be active or passive.

Let’s take as an example, the touch: we can either concentrate our attention on given touches that represent the active aspect of touch, or on received touches that represent the passive aspect of touch. Also, the aspects of erotism can be general or specified, depending on how many sensations are perceived in the same time.

Yet, the most beautiful feeling is the feeling of merging with the lover and with the entire Universe. This phenomenon appears step by step through continuously refining of the transfiguring act.

HOW CAN WE STOP OUR THOUGHTS DURING THE LOVEMAKING?

The stopping of the thought has become a popular technique. In the arsenal of Western therapeutics, this technique has entered powerfully after the 70s, being used as an active and direct treatment in the fixed idea (monomania). It came in contrast with the psychoanalytic method which was slower, more indirect, though in a certain direction – more comprehensive.

The idea that a person can direct her perception and attention, performing in this way a certain control over his/her own cognitive functions, is applied in order to modify the sexual behaviour. It proves to be very useful especially when the sexual dysfunctions are generated by a disturbing mental pattern that occurs during the lovemaking.

As much as we start to focus ourselves on the sensorial, direct perceptions of the erotic act, it becomes obvious the idea that “these thoughts occur to me” and that “I am not these thoughts”. Therefore, we will let those thoughts pass over us and go out of our conscience without giving them any value or becoming attached to them.

As soon as we will become aware of the fact that the thoughts are external to our being and that just by feeding them and by accepting them we make them alive and sustain them, we will easily realize that it is easy to stop their activity.

An efficient way to begin is to ignore them and not pay any attention to them, by making efforts to concentrate over the sensations we feel while making love.

With the time passing, the stopping of these thoughts will occur spontaneously, while the person is paying attention only to the orgasmic and sensual experiences.

CONCENTRATION TECHNIQUES

1. In case that certain inhibitory thoughts or certain thoughts, which are disturbing the harmonious lovemaking occur, because of some psychic traumas in connection with the sexual activity, you must have in mind to concentrate yourselves over the most intense sensation (tactile, visual, tasting, smelling) you feel.

Let yourself be absorbed by this sensation, let yourself become one with it. As much as you melt in this sensation, experiencing it at maximum intensity, you realize that any disturbing thought will disappear, letting the place free for the pleasure and for the happiness.

Doing the same with the other sensations, you will realize that the intense experience will free hidden forces in your own human being. As soon as you achieve this experience, you will realize that the thoughts easily disappear and they will be kept ever under the control.

2. You are ready go to bed (after they have undressed and had a shower). She is lying down while you softly caress her back sensually.

You have to concentrate yourself only on the sensation you receives from touching her skin and the harmonious forms of her body. In the same time, the woman has to focus her attention on your caresses.

She mustn’t let her mind be disturbed by other thoughts. She shouldn’t think of anything else. In this way you won’t let your minds wander. By concentrating on your sensations you can be more aware and fully experience all the sensations.

 

PART 2